Basically, the main reason I made this blog was to express myself. Some ways will probably be very deep and very personal, but I really feel that blogging about this sort of thing will help me to get over personal and family issues, develop who I am as a person and let out everything that I'm bottling up without the thought that someone is judging me.
I tend to have problems expressing the way I really feel. I feel that by writing the way I feel and what I would usually leave bottled up down I can express myself and it doesn't matter who is listening, mainly because you don't know me. Or at least I won't know who you are if I pass you in the street.
But this brings me to another point, which is actually quite relevant. I'm scared of people judging me. I come from a small town where most people know you or at least know of you. There is only two high schools in the area, MBC and MGC. Boys' College and Girls' College. This makes being unique actually really hard because you are constantly being judge. This may not be a problem for people who don't care about what others think, but sadly I do... Basically my whole life revolves around it.
Recently I went on a family (well as close as it will get to family) holiday to Wellington shopping. I knew when I got there that I would be able to shop without the thought of what people think of me wearing those particular clothes. I knew I would be able to walk into Supre and not have people thinking that I am a slut or a whore because I shop there. I was right, which I feel quite happy to say. BUT that doesn't mean I'm going to feel comfortable getting dressed in the morning wearing my new clothes at all. We'll have to see!
I think I'm going to work on this. Although I do only have a year and a half in this town, I still feel as if this will help to develop EXACTLY who I am without worrying about who is judging me.
I think everyone should be unique and no one should feel that they have to live up to someone's expectations. Individuality is key.
If only it was that easy...
